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I AM, I FEEL...

BY JON D INMAN


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WORKING TITLE: The Red Lion
© Et In Arcadia Ego Productions/JD Enterprises/Jon D Inman 1998

I

An endless supply of money, no work and a playboy lifestyle may be many peoples dream, but eventually the dream ends. For me, Mark and Carl it ended abruptly, but the nightmare goes on for us into eternity and where we are now we can never leave, not ever, and others will follow. Our life revolved around pubs, drinking, girls and generally having a damn good time and now we sit in a pub that we canít depart from, not even at last orders because last orders donít exist in this establishment as the pub itself never existed in the first place, well not in this dimension anyway. So here we are trapped in some weird time warp between heaven and hell waiting for the next poor unfortunate to enter and unable to warn their fate, we drink our endless drink and think about our past. This is our story and how we got here and I hope it will be warning to you should you ever get in our circumstances...

 

II

My name is Joe Iím 28 and havenít needed to work since my dad started paying me a large allowance to keep me away from him, I live with Carl 30, who just has to ask his dad when he needs a few more thousand, our mate Mark 29, just lives around the corner, his dad thinks he is paying his college fees for him bollocks, he dropped out a year ago. Mark is the only one who is teetotal but it doesnít stop him socialising with the opposite sex, it also means he can drive us around in his fatherís birthday present, a Porche 944. Having dads that live away is good, especially when they are all millionaires.

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JULY 25TH 1997

43 MANOR GARDENS, PICKERING, 8 am
The daily routine ensued as I opened my bottle of Australian Chardonnay, the CD was playing loud to the sound of Bowieís Rebel Rebel and Carl emerged from his room dancing, complete with a can of Tetleyís in his hand. 30 minutes later Mark entered the house unannounced as always and continued to the kitchen to make himself a coffee, the day was off to a good start. The plan for the day get pissed, well me and Carl anyway.

11 am and we were in the Moon Inn and by two it was The Lettered Board, a favourite haunt of ours. Andrew the landlord was somewhat preoccupied by some stranger at the bar but finally we got our drinks and sat at a table talking about our usual subject - the female sex. Our concentration was only interrupted by the arrival of two policemen who peacefully removed the stranger from the bar, but by this time we were merry and more interested in discussing our next port of call.

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THE GOLDEN LION, MORTON, 3pm
A usual haunt of ours out in the sticks away from everyone. The
Gold as we call it is a typical country village farmers pub but
Rachael the barmaid is far from country and always seems to have

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ģ Et In Arcadia Ego Productions/JD Enterprises/Jon D Inman 1997

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